May Paalam Ba Na Di Masakit?

Death by Sadness

Yung di tutulo luha mo at di masisira ang kolorete sa mata kasi naghanda ka naman sa pagtatagpong ito.  Masama kung di waterproof ang nilagay … may itim na kasama pag luha mo … baka akala pa niya kulay ng budhi mo yun.

Yung kahit magsasalita ka ng mga linyang sinulat, inaral at sinanay sa harap ng salamin ay di maiiwan sa lalamunan mo ang mga salitang gustong sabihin. Yung di ka parang nabubulunan at tuloy tuloy at swabe kang magsasalita. 

Yung di ka parang binabayo sa dibdib at kulang na lang atakehin ka sa puso dahil sa sakit.  Akala ko nga noon tayutay lang ang “masakit ang puso ko” … totoo pala … pisikal na sakit din pala yun .

Nakailang pamamaalam na ba ako ? Di na mabilang sa dami … di ba dapat sanay na? Di ba dapat praktisado na? Di ba dapat di na mahirap? Pero kahit kailan walang pamamaalam na parehong pareho ng sitwatsyon.  Magkaiba lagi … magkaiba ng sakit … magkaiba sa lahat ng aspeto. Kaya di kailanman magiging handa ang puso at isip. Walang paraan para mamanhid ang pandama.  Sana nga meron … pero wala, wala. 

Bakit kailangan magpaalam ?  Pwede namang nandiyan lang.  Pero baka mas mabuti na wala na lang. Daming dahilan … paglipat, pagkamatay, walang puntahan, wala nang nararamdaman, gamitan. Kahit ano pa yan … dumadating yan . Sa bawa’t pagkakataon … may iba’t-ibang uri ng sakit.

May pamamaalam na di gaanong masakit kasi alam mo babalik naman … pero may kirot pa din , may kinukuha pa ding lakas sa pagkatao mo ng isang di makitang puwersa.  Marami na ngang paraan para di maramdaman ang pagkawala dala ng teknolohiya pero iba pa din ang personal … ang nandiyan lang.

May pamamaalam na haplit … ultimo , pangwakas , katapusan . Pag namatay ang mahal sa buhay o di man maibabalik ang dating pagtingin. Ito na yata ang isa sa pinakamasakit. Maaring magkunwaring bukas uuwi din o tatawag din … pero nakaharap sa kawalan …nakatambad ang isang nakakabinging katahimikan. Ito ang ayaw nating mangyari … ang mabingi sa walang naririnig. Akala mo panaginip lang pero paggising mo … wala na nga pala. Ang sakit … di mo na mahawakan, di mo makausap … gusto mong awayin dahil iniwan ka pero paano?

May pamamaalam na ginagawa dahil kailangan.  Dahil walang pupuntahan, walang kayang ibigay o walang nang maramdaman. At dahil kahit ulit-ulitin ang istorya – pareho pa din ang wakas … wala pa din. Pero tao lang , laging gustong magbakasakali … baka naman pag inulit , mas maganda na ang konklusyon. Masuwerte kung ganun pero mas madalas sa hindi – pareho pa din.  Pinilit namang gumana , umayos … pero may mga bagay na di angkop. Laging dahilan … ang mga bata.  Tama naman … tama nga ba?

May pamamaalam dahil mali ang mga bagay na nakaikot sa paraiso ninyo.  Marami masasaktan at magagalusan.  Sa aspetong ito maraming makakaugnay.  Ito ay lihim na tinatago sa mga matang mapagmasid. Ngunit huwag humusga. Baka kailangan lang pera kagaya ni Sari o nagmahal talaga kagaya ni Kara. Mali pa din … pero sino tayo para maghagis ng unang bato?  

May pamamaalam na nawala na pala … hindi mo pa alam. Nawala na lang na parang bula.  Kala mo nandiyan pa … pero wala na pala.  Mahirap umasa pero may mga taong sadyang nagpapa-asa … maaring takot sa paghaharap o di alam ang sasabihin.  Naiwan ka nakabitin sa hangin … tapos magugulat ka na lang sa iyong pagbagsak.  Nagtaka ka pa … ano nangyari?  Pagtingin mo sa paligid mag-isa ka na lang pala .

May nawawala at kahit ano pa ang gawin … ayaw na talaga.  Para kang kumakausap sa hangin … ni hindi sumasagot sa tawag at sulat.  Aalis na lang … walang paalam … magugulat ka pa. Ito ay di nagpapa asa … ito ay nakalimutan lang na dapat ay may “karaniwang kagandahang-loob o kortisiya” sa taong hindi ka naman ginawan ng masama. Maaaring makasalubong mo pag naglalakad ka at ikaw na mismo ay maiilang kasi wala kang alam na pinag ugatan ng paglayo. Iba ang sakit na dulot nito kaysa sa karaniwang sakit na dulot ng salita o pisikal na paraan.  Mas masakit ba ito?  Oo … kasi nga walang pagtatapos … walang pagsasara.  May mga taong naniniwala kasi na pag wala nito … pwede bumalik sa pagdating ng panahon … pwede naman sabihin yon … kaysa ganito. Di karapat dapat para sa taong naging mabuti naman sa iyo o napasaya ang malungkot mong buhay na tratuhin ng ganito. Binura ka sa buhay niya ng ganoon na lang. Nakakalungkot pero may mga taong sadyang ganito.

May pamamaalam na umalis ka na … di pa niya alam.  Di nya naramdaman na wala ka na.  Di ka naman kasi mahalaga … mabubuhay siya ng maligaya kahit wala ka.  Pero ikaw sobra ka sa damdamin … iyak, di makakain, di makatulog.  Siya tuloy ang masayang buhay.  Buting umalis ka na lang … di ka naman pala hahanapin.  Sana laging ganun … may nagpapaalam pero wala lang sa yo …

May pamamaalam na dapat gawin kasi naggagamitan lang kayo. Baka maubos ka … kawawa ka naman.  Pwedeng akala mo meron pero laging may katumbas na salapi and bawat kabutihan na dulot niya.  Kung bigyan ka man ng isang bagay … isipin mo baka mas madami ka naibigay.  Nung minsan kang bigyan , akala mo soulmate mo na siya. Pero sige pagbigyan ang mga ilusyong ito … ikakasaya mo naman yata – yun nga lang di libre. May mga taong may kapasidad na magpaikot ng mga damdaming ganito para sa kanyang ikakabuti o minsan ikakabuhay.  Ito ay bayad sa panandaliang saya at tuwa … sa pagkabuhay ng isang istoryang sa panaginip mo lang binuo.  Bakit hindi?  Di naman kayang tumbasan ng ibang tao ang kaligayahang dulot niya di ba? Pero sa bandang huli, dapat magpaalam lalo na pag nagpapabayad lang pala.

May pamamaalam nga na magugulat ka pa at masakit pala.  Kasi sanay ka na nandiyan lang siya. Kampante na di aalis .  Kadalasan ay pinagwawalang bahala.  Alam mong kayang kaya mong amuin at ayos na ulit. Ito ang pinanakakagitla sa lahat … mawala ang dapat sa iyo na.

Sa kahuli-hulihan … paano magpaalam nang di masakit?  Walang ganoon … may paalam pa nga na pati langit lumuluha … pag umuulan.   Lagyan ka pa ng saliw ng tugtog na pamamaalam … lalo ka na halos alisan ng bait.  Yayakapin ka at sasabihin … ” may taong mas bagay sa yo / di ko kaya ibigay ang gusto mo/ ako ang may problema, di ikaw/kailangan ko ng puwang” … paano kung ikaw nga ang gusto? Marunong ka pa sa may katawan … pero ito di mo mapipilit, kalokohan man ang sinasabi niya. Ang ipanalangin mo na lang mapagtanto niyang wala na palang hihigit sa pagmamahal mo … at mangyari ito sa panahong di pa huli ang lahat. 

Mahirap magbago ng nakagawian na … mahirap pag siya lang ang gusto umalis at di naman ikaw … mahirap makaramdam ng pangungulila … pero baka sa umpisa lang … makakabawi din. Malilimutan din ang mga salitang binitiwan … alaalang naiwan. Kaya? Baka may mga araw na ganun pero sigurado ako may mga araw na nakatulala ka at iniisip na nakatingin din siya sa bituing tinitignan mo. Lalo na pag dapit hapon at umuulan … 

Pag nakarinig ka ng kantang alam mong sa panahon niya ay ginusto ninyo pareho … may kirot pa din yun.  May partikular na oras ng bawa’t araw na sanay ka na siya ang kausap … at wala na nga … paano na? May lugar na nilakaran ng inyong mga paa … mga bagay na parehong kinaaliwan … Minsan pag masaya ka … maaaring magkamali at tawagan siya para ibahagi ang magandang balita at kung may pangit ganun din … pero nung idayal mo … wala na pala o ayaw sagutin. Mas masakit ang ganoon.

Sa pagtatapos … walang pamamaalam na di masakit … lahat may kirot.  May pwede gumamot … pero maghihintay ka pa … baka may bago o may babalik … at pag naging mapalad ka … baka habambuhay ka na sasaya … pero may mamamatay ulit … masakit ulit .  Paikot ikot lang yan.  Pero maging matapang at bigyang pagkakataong sumaya ang puso kahit ganito ang lahat ng pagtatapos.  Kasi di naman mababayaran ang saya na madadama mo kapag ikaw ay nagmahal.

KEEP THE FORK !

As a believer of pleasant surprises around the bend … always anticipating the best in everything … an optimist that tells the universe of the good things and deems it will all be possible … I came across this in FB by This is Epic … it has written what I have always been … what I will still be … read on …

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things ‘in order,’ she contacted her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.

She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. ‘There’s one more thing,’ she said excitedly..

‘What’s that?’ came the Pastor’s reply.

‘This is very important,’ the young woman continued. ‘I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.’

The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say. That surprises you, doesn’t it?’ the young woman asked.

‘Well, to be honest, I’m puzzled by the request,’ said the Pastor.

The young woman explained. ‘My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, ‘Keep your fork.’ It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming…like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!’ So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder ‘What’s with the fork?’ Then I want you to tell them: ‘Keep the fork ..the best is yet to come.’

The Pastor’s eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.

At the funeral people were walking by the young woman’s casket and they saw the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand.. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, ‘What’s with the fork?’ And over and over he smiled. During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.

So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come.

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share …. being friends with someone is not an opportunity, but a sweet responsibility.

Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND…and I’ll bet this will be a story they do remember, every time they pick up a fork.!

And just remember…keep the fork! … a pleasant surprise awaits. (my version)

I want buried with a fork as well … in my urn.

SUMMER BASIC PHOTO LESSONS

SUMMER BASIC PHOTOGRAPHY LESSONS (2- day training) – LEARN FROM THE EXPERTS: Oliver Zapanta and Jaime T. Zapanta on April 14 AND 21 Multinational Village, Paranaque City . Text 09209226808 for details PLS PASS TO YOUR FRIENDS AS WELL

TRIPPING ON MY OWN FEET

Have you ever met someone that you can’t walk away from? This day will come, this person will appear when you least expect it. When this happens, this core shaker is bound to create chaos in your perfectly charmed life or peace in your topsy turvy world. It is when you will again trip on your own feet and be foolish once again.

But isn’t it nice that this day and age, you’d be feeling like the high school kid you once was. Sometimes we all miss the novelty and the surge that the years stole away from us. The time where kids invade our waking hours , partners try to steal the minutes left of it and work constantly dominates. Where is “me and myself” in the equation? Gone … and when you look in the mirror – you can’t barely recognize the individual staring at you – and when someone walks in … what is left of the energy that you once have allows you to just stare – to wander and wonder – “Have you ever met someone that you can’t walk away from?” We all have but we have different ways of facing the situation. We totally walked out of it. We try walking around it. We let our hands dry over the fire for a while. We  walk away from it. It is always a good choice because we are good persons  – we always put other people that will be hurt  in the process first. It will be nice to stop, stare and trip on your own feet. But regaining composure is what matters.

Bumping into an Ex … A Travel Back in Time

Have you ever wondered at night how the love you lost from a distant past is doing right this very moment? Was he looking on the same star? Have he ever thought of you while walking on the same streets you both walked on? Was he thinking about you?

Have you tried to re-enact the scene when both of you will meet again? Of course, the scene will depict that you are in a better state -that he will have to think that you were the girl that got away and not the other way around. It would also be nice to think that you were better looking than the one he married. And secretly hoping that your husband/boyfriend is better off than he is. Wouldn’t it be nice that way? On the other hand, if everything else is the complete opposite? Like the way he left the relationship before, it will hurt like hell.

Once I was told a story that when she finally get see her ex in a mall, she was in a casually -thrown- over- her- excessively-voluptuous-body old t-shirt and jeans. She was using her son’s sock as a pony tail holder because it was so hot (because of flushing) and she didn’t bring any hair clasp. There is nowhere to run but straight at him. She afforded him a smile and very quick hi. No basking in the moment or a slow motion glamour scene from the movies with a prayer that he won’t look over his shoulder and see the sock tied to her hair.

I know also of someone attending the mass and seeing him there – she tiptoed going at the back of the chapel for him not to see her because she was also wearing a ” not-chic-enough-outfit-to-meet-u-again”.

One classic story is seeing him in a supermarket. In order to avoid him, she entered another aisle with stuff not in her grocery list. Using one shelf after another to hide from him. Just because … again you left the house in your “mommy jeans”. Careful, careful … you owe this to your public. Don’t be caught in this pretty awkward situation.

It is always a better way to see him being suggested to you on Facebook and hoping he was suggested to you 1st. You will get to sneak on him 1st, assess and then decide if you would want to reconnect. Anything you have on Facebook is a part of you that you allow your friends to see anyway. But there are pictures that you’d wish they would stop tagging you.

A phone call from the past is also a good way to reconnect – safe, unseen and casual- unless you are using 3G. And when you decide to meet up for coffee or beer (depends on your era) – you get to wear your Sunday best hoping it wouldn’t show that you came prepared or hired a stylist . And that you just casually looked over your closet and didn’t give a thought what you will wear. Of course, he doesn’t have to know you have rehearsed all the lines, how to smile without showing off your now wrinkled face – if you cannot afford Botox. The make up should not be too heavy, in fact it should look that you were just sun-kissed. The hair that lost its sheen (because of age) needs reconditioning. Darn, too many surgeries and make overs needed for this one important meeting. This for me is the best but it will hit the hardest because what if you came prepared and it wasn’t good enough.

I also knew someone who met up with an ex- rock star look alike bf and find out that his dream of his being a rock star never left him. Everything about him is from the 80’s except from the date of the meeting.

When the cycle has completed its turn – meeting up with an ex meant nothing but meeting up with an ex. It is casual and ordinary like meeting a client at a coffee shop. There aren’t fireworks that can compete with the Pyrolympics. There isn’t the magic that you would hope would mystically transform you in another place and time.

There is another kind that no matter how bad he has treated you or lied – one text is all it takes for you to come running to him. Forgetting how badly it ended the last time, you are just too blind to take the plunge again and again. Hit me baby one more time – as the song goes.

Meeting with an ex when he is coming out of a basketball game after he has showered could merit ooohs and aaahhs. Of course, he could be sweating despite the shower but this is no way to meet up – this is RED flag honey! Imagine the sinewy arms and abs when you just wished it was all flab and love handles! Whew! The world would stop and spin around, this is when the glamour shot will come in – he would walk towards you in slo-mo (slow motion) and somewhere bet the long strides and the short ones, your jaw fell – not a good sign – This is all beef and all male – and yummy – and walking towards you – believe me, you better run fast, if you are involved. This is a devil that can very well wear nothing but can look very dangerously handsome. If you falter and start to see trickles of sweat even if you didn’t play basketball with him and your hands felt clammy – girl, this is just like using that sock in your hair. The look can make you swoon but the smell is going for the kill. You have been intimate with this man and how dare he look just as deadly!!!! And you realized, the years have made him look smarter. If this is the case, say hi and turn on your engine and go like you are competing for the Gran Turismo. This is bad! Run for your life , baby.

There are also high school reunions reminiscent of the movie “Romeo and Michele”. Meeting up with an ex after 28 years of hibernation that merited you additional pounds, crow’s feet and receding hair lines – this is challenging. Whether you said “Darn, it’s a loss” or “Good Riddance” or “Let’s hook up some other time” or “To be continued … “ , it all depends on the history , on the situation. But believe me, this is one fun event you wouldn’t want to miss. I knew a story that started because of this as well. There is comfort in the thought that you have known this man when you were kids. There is an assurance of familiarity – which I hope wouldn’t breed contempt in the end.

I know a fave character meeting hers in a spice souk in Abu Dhabi … the world stopped and amidst the buzzling market … there’s just the two of them. This ended with a dinner with the line finding what you are missing for a long time – yourself. It has the right ingredients , the history, the familiarity, the longing . The ending? A kiss – one that upon telling it honestly to her hubby gave her a black diamond. In the real world? A black eye would be more likely ….

There are just some love stories that won’t go away. No closures. This is meant to be opened in the very far future. Love that never brought you to the altar but secretly wished it did. Fate designed it to be – or not to be. These are those stories running in your head in times that you need escape from your present boredom and loneliness that tries to creep in the wee hours of the morning. These are the heart pumping excitements that we are missing in our stable lives. Our what-might-have-beens.

To travel this way … not recommended, for your heart’s sake. Travel right!

TRAVEL ESSENTIALS

Travel In Style

“If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your worries, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears.” – Cesare Parese

In one of my provincial trips with doctors, while seated with a jet-setter, Dr. Rima Tan, we came across an article in a newspaper regarding Travel Tales in the Philippine Star. We took time to browse over the article and found it informative. I would like to share it with you. We took the liberty to update some of the items in the list.

Home Checklist:

• Arrange for pet and plant care.
• Stop routine deliveries.
• Make your home seem lived-in while away by putting lights and a radio on timers.
• Turn down thermostat. Not applicable in most houses in the Philippines
• Leave keys and itinerary with a friend.
• Lock windows, garage and doors.

Before you leave:

• Guide books and maps
• Passport and visa (s) – It should be valid 6 months from the day of travel.
• Foreign currency of your destination country
• Credit cards
• Travelers checks or ATM card
• Insurance: Trip Cancellation / Medical
• Personal Identification
• Photocopies of documentation – have somebody from the office or home. Keep these in case of emergency.
• Birth Certificate ( if necessary )
• Marriage License ( if necessary )
• Check weather and voltage from the internet.

* The documents you can scan and email to yourself … print and open when needed.

Basic Essentials:

• Appropriate Luggage
• Luggage Locks & ID Tags – Do not lock checked baggage especially for baggage bound for the US. An option is locking it w/ a TSA luggage lock. With this, the baggage screeners can open, inspect and re-lock the baggage without destroying the pad lock.
• Appropriate Clothing. It is important also to place in your hand carry a set of clothes in cases of stop over delays, lost baggage, etc.
• Comfortable Footwear
• Rain Protection
• Camera and Film (Place film in carry-on baggage) – This is passé already because most of us use digital cameras. Have extra f batteries and battery chargers.
• Telephone plugs for modem – (If laptop is not wireless)
• Small flashlight – Maglites are recommended.
• Travel Alarm Clock – Most cell phones have this.
• Small Binoculars
• Brimmed Hat or Visor
• Reading Materials
• Playing Cards / Games
• Address Book
• Chargers for phones, cameras and batteries.
• Neck pillows for long travels and cotton scarf to be used as blanket if you don’t want to use the blanket provided by plane.

Maintenance Items

• Batteries for camera and flashlight.
• Mini Sewing Kit ( place in checked baggage )
• Travel Iron or Streamer Sink Stopper
• Folding Scissors ( place in checked baggage )
• Laundry Soap Packets. Most travelers recommend Ariel detergent powder.
• Laundry Bag. Most hotels have this
• Ziploc Plastic Bags. Lotions, moisturizers, shampoo and, conditioners should be placed inside these bags to prevent them from spilling on your things.
• International adaptor

Medication

• First Aid Kit
• Aspirin / Pain Reliever
• Cold / Sinus Medication
• Diarrhea Medicine
• Laxative
• Insect Repellent
• Contact Lens Preparations
• Antibiotic Ointment
• Alcohol Wipes
• Sunscreen
• Motion Sickness Medicine
• Personal Hygiene Items
• Personal Prescriptions
• Anti-allergy

Toiletries

• Comb / Brush
• Toothbrush / Paste
• Dental Floss
• Shampoo
• Blow Dryer
• Deodorant
• Lotions / Creams
• Cologne
• Lip balm / Petroleum Jelly
• Towelettes
• Shaving Cream
• Towel / Washcloth
• Earplugs

(Checklist from GoFox.com)

“ Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore . Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain

KADAMUTAN SA MAKABAGONG PANAHON – ISANG PAGTANAW SA TURO NI INAY

Paslit pa ako noon lagi sabi ni Inay, “Huwag kang madamot.”. Ano ba! Lumaki akong mutya ng lahat ng tao di pa man uso na may buntot si Mutya. Lahat nagkakagulo sa akin. Lahat na cu cute tan ( pero totoo kaya yun eh amo nila si Inay ) Lahat yan sumaksak sa bata kong isip. May pribilehiyong iba , may angat na antas.
Di kami mayaman, pero may telebisyon kami at ang kapitbahay wala. Baka akala ko mayaman kami , pero baka hindi naman talaga mayayaman mga kapit-bahay namin. Nag aaral kaming magkapatid sa isang pribadong eskwelahan ng may kaya. Baka akala ko mayaman kami, kasi pinilit lang naman ni Inay na may mangyari sa buhay namin. Alam mo na, ang tipikal na sabi ng ating mga magulang , yan lang kaya ko ipamana sa inyo . At tinutoo nga ni Inay, yan lang ang pamana. Okay na din buti at di diabetes o hypertension ang pinamana. Vertigo pala. Pang mayaman nga din ba ang sakit na ito? Lagi lang hilo … vertigo na tawag. Kakasakay sa eroplano? May problema ang Kristal sa tenga. Bingi na nga may problema pa ang Kristal . Nabebenta ba yun?
Mabalik tayo sa telebisyon …. at dahil kami nga lang ang mayroon nun, madaming bata na nakikipanood. At dahil may asal nga akong hindi kagandahan, ayoko ng ganun. Ayoko ng masikip, ayoko ng amoy pawis , ayoko ng may nanonood na iba. Kadamutan. Pag naiisip ko ngayon alam kaya ni Inay na hinihinaan ko ang volume ng telebisyon para di nila marinig na bukas ito? Na sinasara ko pinto at pag may kumatok, kunwari walang tao.
Nabanggit ko kanina na nag aral ako ng elementary at high school sa eksklusibo at Katolikong paaralan. Kaya kong magdasal ng Ama Namin ng Latin. Nagdarasal kami ng rosario na nakaluhod at nakadipa. “Penitential Rosary” ang tawag. Penitensya talaga . Dati nga akala ko pa nakita ko ang Mahal na Birhen sa puno ng Pine sa labas ng bintana ng silid-paaralan namin. O pang mayaman pati ang tanim na puno. Kapag Unang Biernes ng buwan, nakaputi kami na uniporme na mahaba ang manggas. Tiisin mo kasi maganda sigurong tingnan pag nagsisimba kami. Kahit nagpuputik na ang kili-kili mo. Ang simbahan ay nasa tapat ng eskwelahan. Pag wala pa sundo ko ,dun ako naghihintay. Malamig kasi. Yun lang wala nang ibang dahilan.
Gusto pa ni Inay na ako ay mag miyembro ng Lourdes. Puti din ang suot pero may sinturong asul. Di ako pumasa kasi di ko na nasagot ang misteryo ng rosaryo kahit araw araw nagdadasal kami noon. Natakot yata ako kay Fr. Almario o na mental block ako. Nasira ang pangarap ni Inay na ialay ako sa Birhen. Di siguro nauukol.Lumaki ako na kumakanta ng tungkol kay MIDES at Maria. Oo bata pa lang ako kumakanta na. Pambansang Awit. Nasa mikropono ng eskwelahan namin. Wala talaga ako hiya bata pa lang.
Tumanda ako pero di na lumaki. Ako ay nag aral sa “Royal Pontifical University”. Ganun pa din, dasal ng dasal. Simba ng simba. Di ko alam kung pumapasok ba sa kokote ko . Sige lang . Todo pasa. Nakita ko pa ang Papa na ngayon ay Blessed na. Nakakatuwa. Nakakita ako ng magiging santo sa pagdating ng panahon.
Mas matanda na ako. Dapat ko ba isa isahin ang ginawa ko na tingin ko naman ay maganda para sa komunidad na aking ginagalawan. Ganun pala yun … “the soul never forgets”. Di ako perfecto. Di yan ang pangalan o apelyido ko. Madamot ako sa daan – pag uusod ang sasakyan , iuusod ko sasakyan ko para di siya sisingit at may busina pa pag trip ko. Parang ikaka dagdag sa pagkatao ko na nauna kotse ko sa kanya. Ganun ka din ba?
Ngayon di ako miyembro ng isang prominenteng organisasyon na nag papapicture para malagay sa dyaryo pag nagbibigay ng lumang damit. Anong damit? Yung lumang pang Constantino na sinuot ng pamangkin mo at inaasahan mo na isusuot ng nangangailangan. Kahit naman wala silang maisuot, sana nag isip ka na bigyang konsiderasyon ang mahihirap. Naka pang Reyna Elena ang ina ng nakapang Constantino ang anak? Bagay yan sa makabagong panahon ng Global Warning este Warming. Nagbigay ka pa ng sapatos na napakataas. Ikaw nga di mo kinaya, sila pa? Naman!
Di pa din ako pala basa ng Bibliya … nanood din ako ng misa sa telebisyon. Kaisa isang pari na paborito ko si Fr. Mario Sobrejuanite nawala na. Di ako fanatic ng kahit anong liga o organisasyon. Di ako nagsasalita sa harap ng mga tao at nagkukwento ng paano ako naging lasenggo o adik ( kasi di naman ako naging ganun ). Kanya kanya yan. Ang totoo, maldita pa din ako. Sinasabi ko gusto ko at wala ako pakialam. Madami sigurong inis sa akin pero mas madami akong kaibigan kasi mahal ko sila at alam nila yun.
Di ako madamot sa panahon para makialam at manguna para humingi ng tulong para sa kanila. Hanggang mamatay nga, ako pa din ang taga pagbalita. Di ako madamot sa pagtuturo. Di nababawasan alam ko pag binibigay ko ito sa ibang tao. Siguro nga ang mga sermon ng mga pari at madre … at ni Inay ay naintidihan ko din pala. Kung may malungkot, handa ako makinig at kampihan ka kahit minsan mali ka na. Ganyan ako. Kunsintidor sa kaibigan. Antukin ako pero sige lang pag kailangang uminom. Di ako madamot sa pagmamahal , ang dami nga nila pero bumait na ako dahil kay Sucre. Di ako madamot pumuri. Pagod na nga mga kasamahan ko sa trabaho kakabasa ng mensahe ng Kudos. Pero kailan ko pa sasabihin, pag wala na. Aanhin pa ang damo pag patay na ang kabayo. Siguro pag namatay ako dami din pupunta , eh lahat ng patay pinuntahan ko na. Dati puro piging ang pinupuntahan ko , ngayon mga libing na. Di ako madamot na maging masaya para sa ibang tao. Kahit minsan maraming di masaya para sa akin. Ok lang dahil di nila kayang kunin ang saya ng mundo ko. Di ako madamot mag asikaso . Alam nila yan at ugaling bigay yan ng Dios sa akin. Pag inalagaan kita, di mo na yun makakalimutan habang humihinga ka. At wala ka nang makita pang ganoon. Kahit akala mo lang meron. Pero wala, wala.
Pero may mga taong sadyang madamot. Madamot o mapag-imbot. Di ako sigurado. Sana lang huwag dumating sa buhay nila na kailangin nag tulong ng iba pero walang nanguna na tulungan sila. Sarap isipin. Galing lang ako sa Visita Iglesia nung isang Linggo. Isabuhay ang dasal. Minsan para tayong Hudyo, yan ay sabi ni Inay. Oo nga, tama siya. Lagi naman siyang tama maliban sa kaarawan niya. 70 taon kami nagdiriwang ng kaarawan na mali naman pala ang petsa. Ang ating mga Ina , sila ay walang kadamutan sa katawan – lahat todo pasa. Di din perfecto , pero di ko pagapalit. Huwag kang madamot. Natutunan ko din naman pala. Minsan di ko lang kaya. Minsan di lang halata.
Para sa kadamutan ito , pero parang naging para kay Inay. Uyy Mother’s Day na , malapit na. Nalulungkot ako pero masayang may nanay ako na nagturo sa akin na wag maging madamot at walang kahit sinong tao ang makakapigil sa turo ni Inay. Sa marami kong Inay , oo maraming umampon sa akin (baka cute nga ako) , alam nyo kung sino kayo ang aking mga Mamu, Ninang at Mama… Happy Mothers’ Day.